paranoia – f-your blog

Jones Town Death Tape (Audio)

First and Foremost this is NOT a Chronicling of Jim Jones or Jonestown. This Post serves as a Focus on just One of the Multitude of Facts, People, and Events surrounding Jonestown Massacre. If You’re Curious to Know/Learn more on the Subject We suggest Hitting up Ye Old Google for all the Gritty Details.

Here is the Most Basic of Backstories:

Jim Jones started a Cult in America called The People’s Temple that promoted Global Peace and Unity among all of Humanity. To Escape the Probing Eye of the American Government, Concerned Family Members Outside of the Cult, and Other Various Detractors Jones moved the Cult to Guyana (a Country on South America’s North Atlantic Coast). Once in Guyana Jones and His Followers commenced Building Jonestown which would be a Earthly Utopia Free from the Malevolent Evils of the War. Just like Drugs Jonestown was a Beautiful Place to Live and All was right with the World. As time passed things in Jonestown took a Dark and Ultimately Deadly Turn.

As Time Passed the Cults Detractors stayed Diligent in Their Attempt to either Rescue Members of the Cult and take them to Safety or to Shut Down Jonestown and take Jones into Police Custody. A Group consisting of Concerned Family of Cult Members, Cult Defectors, and Congressman Ryan Lee calling Themselves ‘Concerned Relatives” started Petitioning Politicians and Actively Engaging the Press for Help and Assistance in Their Mission. Finally the Group flew to Guyana to Visit Jonestown in Person to asses the Allegations of Sub Standard Living Conditions, Mental and Physical Abuse of Cult Members, and Accusations of Human Rights Violations by Reverend James Warren Jones.

The Trip was Tense and Ended with Jones Men Ambushing Ryan, the “Concerned Relatives”, and More Defectors from The People’s Temple at an Airstrip Killing Ryan along with NBC Cameraman Bob Brown, Temple Defector Patrica Parks, and Examiner Photographer Greg Robinson. In Addition to the Four Murders Nine other Members of the Group were Injured. The Attack would End Up being the Final Nail in the Jonestown Coffin.

THE DEATH TAPE: Is a 44 Minute Cassette Tape known as the “Death Tape”. It’s a Recording made on November 18, 1978, at The People’s Temple Compound in Jonestown, Guyana, Immediately Preceding and During the Mass Suicide or Murder of The People’s Temple Followers. When it was All Said and Done 918 Cult Members Men, Women, and Children Died either by by Poisoning or Gunshot. On the Tape You Hear Jones urge Cult Members to Commit what He refers to as Revolutionary Suicide:

“You can Go Down in History Saying You Chose Your Own Way to Go, and it’s Your Commitment to Refuse Capitalism and in Support of Socialism.”

The Poison was the Primary Method used in the Mass Suicide served to the Cult Members in a Flavored Beverage. The Beverage was Laced with Potassium Cyanide. The People’s Temple received 1/2 Pound Shipments of Cyanide every Month since 1976 when Jones acquired a Jeweler’s License (Cyanide is Reportedly cleans Gold). The Crowd was Surrounded by Armed Guards, Offering the Cult Members the Basic Dilemma of Dying by Poison or being Shot by the Guards. As it were Not All Cult Members Drank the Poison willingly as Some were Forced to Drink it at Gun Point, and Some Unknowingly such as the Children. The Poison took Five Minutes to Kill the Children, Less than Five Minutes for Babies, and Twenty to Thirty Minutes for Adults. As for Jones Himself He committed Suicide via a Gunshot to His Right Temple.

Escaped People’s Temple member Odell Rhodes was there that Fateful Day Described the Scene of Both Hysteria and Confusion as Parents watched Their Children Die from the Poison (Jones says on the Tape “Don’t let Your Children Know They are Dying”). Rhodes also Stated the most Present Cult Members “Quietly waited Their Own Turn to Die.” and that many of the Cult Members “Walked Around like They were in a Trance.”

Reasons For Jones Ordering the Mass Suicide:

Jones’s Mental Health was Declining.
Jones was becoming increasing Paranoid about the American Government (as well as Others) Conspiring /Plotting on How to Personally Destroy Him.
Jones had become Convinced the CIA and Other Government Intelligence Agencies were Conspiring with “Capitalist Pigs” to Destroy Jonestown and Harm Him and His Followers.
Jones was supposedly Suffering from Insomnia sometimes going Three to Four Days without Sleeping.
Jones Believed All Was Lost as His Mission to Build a Perfect Society Free from all Negativity was an Utter Failure.
Jones had just Ordered the Deadly Attack on Congressman Ryan and His Delegates earlier that Day leaving Several Dead and Injured. He Knew Retaliation for the Murders was be Inevitable since Sooner or Later someone would come Looking for Ryan and the Others.
Jones believed that the Children of Jonestown were going to be Captured by The American Government, and Extradited back to America where They would be Turned into Fascists.
Jones was at this Point was a Full Blown Drug Addict addicted to Injectable Valium, Quaaludes, Stimulants, and Barbiturates (Any Class of Sedative or Sleep Inducing Drug).

In Response to Seeing the Poison Take Effect Jones Counseled His Members Saying:

“Die with a Degree of Dignity; Don’t Lay Down with Tears and Agony.”

(Note: The Cries and Screams of Children and Adults are easily heard on the Tape Recording.)

And

“I Tell You, I Don’t Care how many Screams You Hear I Don’t Care how many Anguished Cries…Death is a Million times Preferable to Ten More Days of This Life. If You Knew what was ahead of You- If You Knew what was ahead of You, You’d be Glad to be Stepping Over Tonight.”

Thanks For Reading/Listening,

Presented By Les Sober

Three Skins Without Men

We are Amped to Present THREE SKINS WITHOUT MEN By One of Our Favorite Animators Mr.David Firth. . For those of You Who do Not Know or May Not Be Aware David Firth is an English Animator, Director, Writer, Musician, Actor, Voice Actor, Video Artist, and Broadcaster of Whom We are a Big Fan of Here at FYB. Several of Firth’s works in Flash Animation, along with Multiple Music Videos and Works of Video Art, have Garnered a Large Followings.

The Animation Includes:

A Little Boy and a Girl controlled by a Evil Severed Head
A Paranoid Man Who believes Everyone Wants o Piece of His Skins He has Hanging in His Apartment that are His Pride and Joy.
A Flashback to a Fancy Dinner Party Attended by Elites that Goes Horribly Wrong.
The Evil Severed Head with a New Insect Body.
A Painting Called Three Men Without Skins Who’s Subjects come to Life and Go To Bar.
Creepy Canine Like Creatures Who’s Heads are Skulls.
Mutilated Murder Victims.
The Girl Replacing Her Own Head with the Evil Severed Head.
The Evil Severed Head goes to Gun Store (Via the Girls Body) to Buy a Gun to Commit Suicide.
Store Owner Making a Deal with the Severed Head pertaining to the Gun Purchase.
The Murdered Children.
The Evil Severed Head Begs Guy Store Clerk to “Finish The Job”.
a Flock of Strangely Demented Old Women Float Down to Earth From the Sky.
Mutant Dog Singing

Enjoy.

Thanks For Watching,

Presented By Les Sober & FYB

FYB’s Sinister Friday Sci-Fi Horror Movie: CUBE

FYB is Psyched to Present the 1997 Canadian Indie Science-Fiction Horror Film CUBE Directed and Co-Written by Vincenzo Natali. Cube has gained Notoriety and a Rabid Cut Following, for its Surreal Atmosphere and Kafkaesque setting and Concept of Industrial, Cube-Shaped Rooms.

Brief Plot Summery:

Six Total Strangers Awaken One Day to find Themselves Trapped and Alone in a Cubical Maze. Once the Characters meet up, The Group Works Together (Each Using a Specific Skill They Posses) to Navigate Through The Complex Collection of Cubed Rooms.

There is Rennes Who is a Renowned Prison Escape Artist, Student Leaven Who is a Math Prodigy, Doctor Holloway (Who beside Being a Doctor is an Avid Conspiracy Theorist), Kazan is a Servant Who, Quentin is a Police Officer can Out Calculate Leaven, and Worth Who was Unknowingly part of the Design Team who Assembled the Cube.

Each Room is a Cube within the Cube, with Six Hatch Doors opening into Other Rooms, But a Percentage of those Rooms are Equipped with DEADLY BOOBY TRAPS! Not Only That But the Total of 17,576 Rooms ROTATE Their Position within a Set Time Limit causing Disorientation, Confusion, Frustration, and Down Right Insanity.

Using Math Prodigy Leaven’s Math Skill (and Eventually Servant Kazan penchant for Mathematics), The Group Press Forward, Upward, and Downward through a Series of Hatches to Try and Locate the Cube’s Outer Shell and Escape the Cerebral Nightmare. Will The Group Get Away or are They Doomed to Die in the Confines of the Menacing Cube? Will They be able to Unravel the Mystery of the Cube’s Creator(s) and it’s Intended Function? You’ll have to Watch and See for Yourself!

Enjoy.

We Hope You Enjoyed This Tale of a Killer Cubes as Much as We Did.

Thanks for Watching,

Presented By Les Sober & FYB

Dark Web Videos: Hamburger Lady

Welcome to this Installment of Dark Web Videos Featuring THE HAMBURGER LADY!

While this Video was Dredged Up from the Abyss known as The Dark Web No One can be certain of its exact Origins.
Many People have claimed the Video is Cursed or Possessed in someway that will Negatively Affect Viewers. Others believe it was made by a Group of Satanists or some Devil Worshipping Death Cult. Even others claim it causes Insomnia, Paranoia, Nightmares, Disorientation, and overall feeling of Dread and Impending Doom. Others yet claim it’s Part of a Military or Government Experiment in Mind Control and Psychological Manipulation. Some even believe its a Coded Message from The Illuminati or New World Order (NWO).
The Narrator of The Hamburger Lady seems to be a Medical Professional or Specialist who is chronicling/Discussing the Case of One of Their Patients Who has been Severely Burned from the Waist Up.
As it Turns Out the Infamous Hamburger Lady is Based on a Fictitious Doctor’s Letter written by Postal Artist Blaster Al Ackerman in 1978.
Postal Art (or Mail Art) is a Popular Artistic Movement centered on Sending Small Scale Works of Art through the Postal Service.
Media commonly used by Postal Artists include but not limited to Postcards, a Collage, of Found or Recycled Objects, Rubber Stamps, Artist Created Stamps (called Artistamps), and Paint BUT can Also Include Music, Sound Art, Poetry, or ANYTHING that can be put in an Envelope and Sent Via The Postal Service.
The same Year (1978) Pioneering Industrial Band Throbbing Gristle released their Third and Final Album titled “D.o.A” featuring a Song Called The Hamburger Lady which used Samples of Ackerman’s Fake Doctor’s Letter pertaining to a Fictitious Burn Victim read aloud.
Throbbing Gristles’s Philosophy was Unconventional in that they Believed ANYTHING that makes a Sound is an Instrument, and if You can make the Sound then You are a Musician.
Below You will find the Dark Web Video The Hamburger Lady followed by Throbbing Gristle’s song The Hamburger Lady.

Enjoy.

Throbbing Gristle “Hamburger Lady” off Their Album D.o.A

Thanks for Watching,

Presented by Les Sober

FYB Presents a Monday Madman Movie: SCHRAMM

Tonight’s Monday Madman Movie features the 1993 German Horror Film SCHRAMM Directed by Controversial Writer/Director Jorg Buttgereit. The Movie begins as Serial Killer Lothar Schramm’s Life Flashes before His Eyes as He Lays Dying in a Pool of His own Blood.

Brief Plot Summery:

Lothar Schramm is a Lonely Cab Driver who is Polite and Often invited His Visitors in for a Glass Of Cognac, but He might also Slit Their Throats and Assemble Their Bodies in Sexually Suggestive Poses. Lothar lives a Tortured and Solitary Existence Plagued by Paranoia. Lothar has Seriously Deranged Sexual Desires including Fantasies about Vaginas with Teeth, or Nailing His Foreskin to Tables. It’s Safe to Say Lothar doesn’t have a Girlfriend (or Romantic Relationship of Any Kind), and has become accustomed to His Habit of Humping Inflatable Plastic Sex Dolls. Lothar’s Social Life is Completely Non Existent as He Trudges through His Life of Rejection, and Self Mutilation without a Friend in the World. The Only Source of Happiness in Lothar’s Miserably Pathetic Life is the Seriously Sick Crush He’s Developed for His Next Door Neighbor and Local Prostitute Marianne. What will become of Poor Marianne, can She Survive Lothar’s Dementedly Lurid Lust or Will She Succumb to Lothar’s Deadly Desires??? You will simply just have to Watch and See for Yourself. Enjoy.

Hope You Enjoyed this Little Tale of a Murderous Maniac as Much as We Did.

Thanks for Watching

Presented By Les Sober

From The Frying Pan into The Fire: Life Working in f-yourblog’s R&D Department

To Our Loyal Readers I feel I owe you an explanation. I wrote a Post way back when that stated f-yourblog’s mission and creative process, but like all things evolution will prevail.

One of the various reasons f-yourblog has been a bit of a neglected child is there are intact several different projects We have in the works. With so many pokers in the fucking fire time management has always been the key, and I have a flawed concept of time.

I act mainly as Creative Content and consement Idea Man. I rarely have a single fucking clue how to pull off any of my grandiose ideas. I’m basically broke, Tech Inept, and have little patience for technology which I have come to utilize as well as despise. Evolution like I said is unstoppable.

I chosen method of learning seems to be the trade and true “Trial By Fire” school of thought. I also can get easily distracted by working on numerous projects so in the immediate future I will be delegating much more responsibility.This is so I can devote my total time and attention to one project at a time which is what they deserve.

I decided it be simple enough to give our Readers a brief peak behind the preverbal curtain as it were. Here are a few of Our ongoing projects.

We are furthest to completion with Our “2 Guys Talking Shit” Podcast showcasing the insane thoughts of SpaceDog, Les Sober, and Friends as the discuss all the mayhem and madness in their minds in Real Time.

2. Our current Book in the works Global Graffiti : A Retrospective in Street Art as I mentioned in Our last Post is a Pictorial Collection of Graffiti from/found around the World. Graffiti has become an essential and integral part of evolving Global Societies serving as both Art and as a Current Social Compass. Graffiti is the Underdog of the Art World (and who thought the pretentious Art assholes could shit on anything more than they shit on Photography?!!), AND I FOR ONE LOVE UNDERDOGS.

3. We are close to establishing a Cross/Dual Promotion with Our dear Friends over at N@P who are incredible Artists in their own right. Some of N@P’s digitally altered Photographic Graphics have already been feature in 2 of f-yourblog’s previous posts recently.

4. We are entertaining doing a Vlog type scenario to accompany Our soon to be released Podcast where Fans would go from Readers, to Listeners, and then end up as Viewers (Evolution Again). Essentially it would be a video of Us all while we abound into obscene absurdity thats guaranteed to Entertain as much as it Offends.

I’m not so sure about this idea because I’m paranoid when it comes to technology (internet/social media) when it comes to my privacy. Also I think the idea of just using a disguise be it a Mask or Make-up etc. is a bit cliche, BUT really if one goes the hidden anonymity route via a disguise its not as easy as one would think.

A good disguise is a true art form because any asshole got put on a mask or lather themselves up in fucking face paint.

5. Perverse Pictures is the Indie Movie company thats in its infancy. I have always been a prolifically rabid movie fan since I was fucking born. I also am a Great Admirer of Lloyd Kauffman and Troma Pictures who have been dealing in Independent Film for literally as long as I have been Alive.

Also as of recently (sometime last year) became an admirer of the New Cult Classic “The Room” and its infamously mysterious, intriguing, and passionate Writer/Director/Star Tommy Wiseau.

I dream is to one day to collaborate with both Mr. Kauffman and The Troma Team, and Mr.Tommy Wiseau one day. It be fucking unbelievably grand.

(Above On Left Tommy Wiseau / On Right Lloyd Kauffman w/ The Toxic Avenger)

The 2 Films We have in the Works are:

“The Cannibalistic Cocaine Cartel” by Justin Sane – See What Happens when Criminals and Cannibals Go Hand in Mouth.

“Shoot My Face Off I Like It” a Documentary by Your’s Truly focusing on the Video Game of Urban Legends.

6. Revenge Records is a label I’m establishing as a Home for the Wayward Unconventional or Unorthodox Indie Acts. Lets face it the Big Lables are all but fucking Dead to begin with. Youtube reigns as the New Agent that represents ANYONE from ANYWHERE around the World.

The only issue with Youtube is its 2018 and it/the market is FLOODED with Millions of Posts in a single fucking day. They grossly outnumber talented Acts/People and they drown in a Sea of Mediocrity obscured by the mundane. It was easy in the beginning when there were only a few thousand videos a person could view., but Justin Bieber blew up Youtube, and every idiot came running.

This makes Independent Record labels more vital than ever as the Mediators for the transition from The Old School Ways to The New School Methods.

7. The Lost Souls Studios goes hand in hand with Revenge Records because whats the point of being a Record Label and paying some outside asshole for the use of their recording facilities. If you make Records then you need a place to Record so it just seems blatantly obvious that you should posses your own Studio. Its a “If you want it done right do it Yourself” meets “Why pay for something you can do Yourself”.

Lost Souls isn’t just for Musicians. You want to do Spoken Word, Record Reading a Book, Recording a final Will and Testament, Hell I don’t care if you want to record yourself taking a 7 hour shit if you think theres Artistic Value to it.

Lost Souls will also serve to benefit Perverse Pictures as most if not all Indie movies have to come up with or write their own soundtrack because Royalties are absolutely fucking outrageous. And again it helps if you own your own Studio.

8. Finally We have Ponder This Productions. This again will Aid in Lost Souls Records as well as Perverse Pictures. I chose the name because I believe in shit, art included, that makes you HAVE TO THINK. You want 2 hours of mindless so called entertainment go see a Micheal Bay CGI shitshow. The sign of a good Movie or Song to me is the same. If I see it or hear it AND then find myself thinking about it the next day I’m hooked.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober

The Cell Phone Show Down

One night after having a few beers I decided to call up my Brother in Law who I hadn’t spoken with in some time. Now I had several phone numbers for my Brother in Law since he was a rather active guy shall we say.

Anyway I called the primary number that I had been able to reach him on only to discover it had been Recycled, and now it had be assigned to some unknown random woman. I hung up as soon as I heard the voicemail thinking that was rather strange. Had my Brother in Law ditched one number, but hadn’t given (to my knowledge) a new number to anyone?! My Brother in Law is also know for his extreme impulsiveness so I had to also wonder if there was a scheme afoot.

Well just a minute or two after I attempted to call my Brother in Law my phone’s text alert went off. I picked it up to check the new text it without looking to see who the fuck was actually texting me.

This is where the Shitnado of Absurdity started and would go on to span a couple of hours.

I checked my phone to find it was some fucking Guy texting who I had no fucking clue who the hell he was. I was pondering what the fuck was going on. Well it didn’t take long to find out.

This was in fact the Boyfriend of the nameless, faceless, unknown Woman who was now in possession of my Brother in Law’s old Cell Number. And just my fucking luck he’s one of those Overtly Paranoid Untrusting Jealous Controlling Assholes.

Now I’m going to take a minute to address this type of fucking Guy. I have no fucking clue whatsofuckingever why a Woman would date nor stay with this type of Guy.

This is the sneaky son of a bitch that checks his girl friends phone every chance he gets behind her back.

This is the kind of Shit that thinks every other guy at the Bar is eyeballing his girlfriend, and more often than not it leads to a drunken jealousy fueled fight. And more times than not its also where the asshole boyfriend gets his teeth kicked in.

This is the type of Scumbag that tries or succeededs in controlling his girlfriend’s make up, clothing, and friends through bullshit manipulation.

This is the kind of prick that thinks every one of his girlfriends coworkers is hitting on her daily, and spends his whole day keeping tabs on his girlfriend like a fucking Stalker.

Essentially these type of Guy’s are SO FUCKING INSECURE that it breeds this paranoia of losing said girlfriend causing the said boyfriend to rashly assume that anything with a penis wants to bang his girlfriend, AND/OR he’s afraid she actually doesn’t care for him that much (in this case the jealous Guy is EXTREMELY CLINGY I’m talking about that “You’re Suffocating Me” type shit) and will dump him in an instant.

Granted Clingy sucks to no fucking end BUT its the lesser of 2 evils. Having a Jealous, paranoid, and controlling boyfriend (trying to dictate every aspect of his girlfriend’s fucking life like she’s a fucking slave) SUCKS WORSE.

Now back to our story already in progress…….

So His initial Texts where: Wanting to know who I was, Why was I calling, and that this was his girlfriends phone.

In return I Texted: You texted me so who are you, I told him I was trying touch with my Brother in Law, and got his girlfriends voice fucking mail by accident.

After that he starts acting like the tool that he is. He sends me a screen shot of his girlfriends recent call list with my number highlighted. Now I never denied calling because I did, BUT I had no idea the number had been Recycled to some fucking girl.

Being a Jealous Boyfriend the asshole said he didn’t buy it, and I better stay away from his girlfriend. I could just see this fuck on the other end of the line so to speak standing all tall, puffing out his chest for all its fucking worth, Glaring like a angry drunk hawk, and pacing frantically periodically looking out the windows as he passes for some threat thats not fucking there.

I basically didn’t give a rats ass from the beginning and couldn’t help thinking how many people have accidentally texted or called this girl only to have to deal with her dick of a boyfriend (bitchfriend is more like it.) At this point I really didn’t give a good goddamn about this overly jealous, insecure piece of human shit. I thusly ended the whole bullshit exchange with the alright my fucking bad whatever I deleted the number since its obviously no use to me. And that was that. Well for a few brief minutes anyway.

I decided that if the primary cell number that I called my Brother in Law on was Recycled then what about the secondary number I had. Me being Me and rather drunk came to the conclusion the best thing to do is call it, and find out if the number worked, was Recycled or possibly disconnected.

As it turned out that my Brother in Law’s alternate phone number had also been Recycled again I got some random girls voicemail. I hung up immediately and deleted the number figuring this situation was rather fucked up. LOW AND FUCKING BEHOLD this number too had been Recycled to the same previous asshole. Why the hell did his girlfriend apparently have come into possession of BOTH fucking numbers was baffling as hell.

Needless to say this set the little motherfucker off like a fucking rocket. This time around the little punk ass had the artificial confidence to call me up this time to chat about what the fuck was going on. As I stated I had no fucking idea, and couldn’t get over how utterly moronic this shit was. And now this paranoid and jealous little twat of a boyfriend thinks for sure that I’m scamming on his girlfriend.

The first idea that came to my mind on how to handle this horeshit was the old make him think your fucking insane, some real sick fuck that cuts off people’s heads and wears them as a fucking hat type of a Murderous Madman a real life Slasher Movie. Then I thought how cliche that shit was and opted for a new idea. The new idea turned out to be making this little turd think HE’S THE ONE WHO’S SANITY IS SLIPPING essentially flip flopping the original idea/concept.

This is how it all went down in operation “Its Not Me Who’s Crazy, Thats YOU”. For his part this Jack Ass spewed the normal line of macho bullshit cliques (doing his damnedest to make me think he was 10 feet tall and fucking bullet proof) like Propaganda for Pricks. It was SUCH OVERKILL the Guy was trying WAAAAY TOO Hard to be the almighty Alfa. What an Asshole.

In reality I imagine this little bitch was about 5 feet nothing, weighed about 90 pounds soaking fucking wet, Whiny, All Bark and NO BITE like a Tiny Toy Chihuahua. You’ve heard this shit before and I for one from what I have seen of the World am inclined to agree. Real Tough Guy/ Bad Asses DON’T WASTE THEIR TIME YELLING ABOUT IT WHILE HURLING THREATS AND INSULTS. They know they can kick the shit out of pretty much anyone so there is no reason for them to try and impress people.

I didn’t really have a set plan per say I just ad-libbed and then went from there. It started by me repeatedly telling him that the phone he is calling is STRICTLY a Business Phone. After a while of that I added that ONLY AUTHORIZED People have access to this phone. Again taking a few minutes to repeat this as much as possible BECAUSE its all about REPETITION, REPETITION, REPETITION.

Now before anyone feels the need to point this out theres no need. What I’m talking about is this I DID SWITCH my original story. Originally I told this Putts I accidentally called which was the truth, BUT to aid in my new game of “Who’s Crazy Now” as it were I SWITCHED my stance to I DIDN’T call you. Why you ask?! Well its simply because I needed to switch to keep the game going is all.

At this point the Butthead Boyfriend is getting confused. He can’t figure out why I’m not acting like an asshole too and yelling a bunch of bullshit trying to out macho his punk ass. He also is beginning to lock on the whole Business Phone Story which only serves to increase his confusion. So now he’s running out of steam having screamed himself fucking silly.

This is where I ramp things up. I start speaking in a aggressively Authoritarian Voice like a Law Enforcement does for example. I am now speaking to him like he’s a irritating child that got caught red handed doing some shit they shouldn’t. Some would call it ‘Talking Down” or “Being Condescending” and I would agree with both summations.

I start to shove the I didn’t call you from this phone which so happens to be a highly restricted Business Phone of some unknown sort. I start hammering the little Snot with the line “NO ONE is Authorized to make PERSONAL CALLS on THIS PHONE”

He has no clue now what the fuck is happening, he’s been so thrown off his macho bullshit ranting that he’s begging to flounder. The tables were starting to turn.

I then launched into “I DON’T KNOW who called you from this phone, But if we find out who they are they will be SEVERELY REPRIMANDED for their egregious actions.”

I’m now employing more militant or governmental type of speaking. This poor bastard now was beginning to get nervous that HE was in some sort of Danger. I then just unleashed like a Monumental Shitacane. I informed him that We had no clue who the fuck was violating a strict no personal phone calls from our exclusive Business Only phone. We would find out who called his girlfriends phone hell or high water. That NO ONE was Authorized to use this phone without selectively been given clearance. I went on to say I didn’t appreciate him being difficult and he should reconsider his behavior. I told him then to just drop his despicable attitude because it wouldn’t help him in the long run. This conversation was in fact being recorded (without a reason why given). He’s wasting my time with this trivial nonsense was not a wise decision.

The sad little fucker now is in a state of shock, confusion, and paranoia with good reason. Without acting like a typical macho male Jersey Shore Shithead he had no idea how to deal with the situation, and now had lost any and all control of the phone call. He was left wondering if I was somehow a Cop or Law Enforcement Agent, A Member of Biker Club, Political Group, Religious Group, A Governmental Agency, The Masons or possibly a Militia of some kind. There was no actual context so he became pledged by self doubt, and then had a mental melt down.

Seeing that the game had run its course and getting bored with the whole ordeal decided to end this shit circus once and for all. I told the little Pisser that enough was enough. This conversation was now over. Whoever called his girlfriend had violated Authorization of a Business Phone, and would not call back ever. They would be facing Strict Punishment. He then mumbled some garbage I assume was a last pitiful attempt at being a Big Man I mean his brain was fucking soup at this point the poor son of a bitch.

I then lastly took the time to inform him that if he called back he would be in direct violation of our mutual Cease and Desist agreement (which I made up right then and there there was no agreement of any fucking kind), and We would be keeping tabs on him in the future (thus playing into the paranoia of being watched and possibly being in or getting into trouble in the future.)

To This day I have never spoke with that little Dimwitted Douche again. I do ponder from time to time when I have a free moment to think (like when I’m eating or taking a leak) what the fuck did he tell his girlfriend happened that night or did he just not mention it at all because he still had no idea wtf was going on. Either which way heres looking at you ASSHOLE.

Thanks for Reading,

Les Sober

Hackers Can Go Hump Hitler in Hell.

Once again f-yourblog.com suffered another unfortunate set back. I was working on the GG Allin Pictorial when I went to open photos and the son of a bitch wouldn’t open. This had happened once before and it was easily fixed if by that you mean spending well over an hour on the fucking phone with Apple Customer Service Representatives.

So once again I had to grin and bare it and called Apple Customer Service.

The first Apple Representative I spoke with unfortunately had one of the thickest Indian accents I have ever heard. I honestly could only make out about every third word, and had to constantly ask him to repeat himself. Finally we got to the point where all attempted communication had ground to a slow but definitive stop. By that I mean I couldn’t proceed to do a damn thing because We had hit the point in the conversation where I had no idea whatsoever what the Guy was asking/saying/instructing me to do. After a couple of minutes of just simply telling the Representative repeatedly that “Its isn’t doing a damn thing!” we got disconnected. I think it is safe to assume the Representative had realized as I had that we could not go any further, and was getting tired of my growingly stand offish attitude. I can’t say I blame him for if he had stayed on the line with me it would have ended in a very ugly and obscene manner I assure you.

Now being thoroughly pissed off at the result of my first 40 minute failed phone call to Apple Customer Service I called them again immediately.

Now allow me a minute to explain that in these situations if the Customer Representative is Polite, Attentive, Apologetic (if need be), informative, up beat and helpful I guarantee it will be the most entertaining phone call that that they will receive all fucking Month. Yet if the Customer Service Representative sounds annoyed, bored, agitated, depressed doesn’t listen to what the hell I’m saying I guarantee it’ll be the most hellacious fucking phone call that they have EVER experienced. The reason for this is the Customer Service Industry is damn near dead as a door nail thats for fucking sure. I’m sick of having to call some 800 number to resolve a problem/issue and having to deal with some phone drones shitty attitude for god knows how long, BUT I digress.

Luckily for All the second Apple Customer Representative I spoke with was a very polite gentlemen named Isaac Internet.

Isaac Internet went on to inform me that the current issue wasn’t the same dippy dips hit as before and in fact its rather serious to say the least. Isaac went on to tell (and show me with the whole fucking screen sharing shit) that 11 fucking separate individual Assholes had been working on Hacking Our IP address, and had made it as far as shutting off our FireWall protection. Isaac explained the whole IP Address Hacking Threat in full from How It Works to How to Prevent it.

At one point Isaac “Momed” me. Isaac had identified the problem as being Hackers and all I gave a shit about was fixing the problem and preventing any future issues ASAP. I know what a Hacker is and what they do and what their looking for so I appreciated the tutorial BUT I didn’t want to hear a damn word of it right then, JUST FIX THE FUCKER. I laughed sarcastically at one point during Isaac’s Hacker/Hacking Lecture, and Isaac just like a Mom abruptly cut me off and sternly reminded me that this was a very serious situation and I shouldn’t think otherwise. Fuck it He was right. After Isaac’s impromptu Anti-Hacker/Hacking Speech we figured out a game plan and resolved the problem/issue so I can’t rightfully complain.

Now to be clear I am a rather paranoid person and I definitely don’t trust a fucking computer/Laptop/Smartphone/Tablet etc. in the least. At the end of the day as a habit I delete all the day’s texts, e-mails and recent phone calls I honestly don’t know when I started doing this but I won’t be stopping anytime soon. Its my utter distrust in the safety of todays electronic devices that more than likely saved our ass. See I don’t use my Smartphone as the wallet of today, that is there is no personal information on it to be hacked and stolen. If a Hacker did access my phone they’d be unamused and angry they wasted their time on a dead end. I also don’t carry around my Lap Top or Tablet like an electric brief case so again their’s no important personal information, no passwords, no record of Bank Transactions, no crucial business related items, no online bill pay, no Paypal account, no Facebook nothing an Identity Thief would give a flying fuck about.

You can use this Blog as a prime example of how I highly I prize and to what extent I will go to to hide y actual identity. Thats why there no actual pictures of me, my friends or family here, My name isn’t splattered all over the site because I personally don’t want to “Be Famous” or even well known OUTSIDE OF MY WORK. Thats why My Tech Paranoia carries over to this blog. That why I even wrote a post explaining my views on my personal Privacy/Anonymity. In that post I stated I am using a Pen Name as is everyone affiliated with or working for f-yourblog.com and thusly I would be changing the names of all people and places in every post, but not only that. I wasn’t going to half ass it I’m not calling Dave Donald or any simpleton shit I change the names to completely absurd ones that are totally unbelievable (as that is what they are intended to be.)

IN SUMMATION: ALL ASSHOLES WHO BECOME IDENTITY THIEVES THROUGH HACKING CAN GO SUCK SATAN’S BALLSACK, EAT THE DEVIL’S DICK, AND HUMP HITLER IN HELL.

TO ALL HACKERS: GO HACK YOURSELF UP YOUR OWN ASS AND FUCKING ROT INCASED IN YOUR OWN FUCKING FECES.

By Les “Than” Sober

The Deviant Detective Ep.2 : Getting Directions From The Blind

Readers: There are a great deal of Obscenities and Blasphemies in the following Story. Heads up and Have A Nice Day.

“Rock Hard that you,” asked the stranger as they leaned against the wall for support.

“Yeah I’m Rock Hard come into my office and tell me what the problem of yours is.” said Rock in his authoritative professional detective voice.

Buy the time Rock reached his office door he knew who the stranger was. It was underground punk rock icon and lead singer for The Furiously Fingered Five Ivy Savage.

She wreaked of cheap gin and cheaper cigarillos. Jesus Christ Rock thought to himself she’s a fucking train wreck. It was obvious the rumors where more than true.

The Meth induced orgies, shooting smack in her snatch, drug smuggling, assault, DUIs, countless rehabs, grand theft auto, drug possession, and possession of an illegal fire arm 4 times in 6 months that fucking Ivy Savage.

Rock jingled his key in the office door until it begrudgingly opened.

The door swung open slamming into the wall so hard the glass shook like a new prostitutes on her first “date.”

Rock walked over to his antique solid oak desk he had salvaged when the city demolished the 1930’s repossession power house Snide, Pompous and Braggart back in 1974. Rock slowly lowered himself into his chair as it creaked in protest.

“So if it isn’t the infamous Queen of Punk Ivy Savage, your reputation precedes you,” Rock said eying his new client up and down.

“I’m fucking used to that propaganda puke, its all horse shit a huge fucking load of steaming hot horse shit.,” Ivy replied angrily.

Ivy was pacing like a jack rabbit on a coke bender constantly fidgeting with her hands. As she spoke Rock took note of her eyes and how the darted around his office unable to stay focused on a damn thing. These were the classic signs of a rock bottom gutter dwelling druggie.

“Whats the problem,” Rock asked bluntly.

“My motherfucking boyfriend is fucking missing and I can’t find my bitch,” Ivy replied coldly.

“How do you know he didn’t just split or end up in the ER for overdosing something along those lines?!”

“I’m his goddamn meal ticket and that little scummy shit damn well knows it. I pay for our booze, drugs, food and hotel room down at The Opulent Oasis for christ’s sake. He’s a fucking moron but he’s not that goddamn dumb.”

“Alright then when did you see your boyfriend last Ms. Savage?”

“Call me Ivy for fuck’s sake, theres no Ms. about me thats for sure. I saw him just last night when we were having a private party in our hotel room. I went to take a shit, it was round 3 am or so and nodded off on the toilet. When I came to it this morning it was 11 fucking thirty and he was gone.”

“Whats his name, whats he go by,” asked Rock as he started to get rather irritated. To calm his nerves he took a long slow sip from his flask and let the whiskey do the rest.

“He goes by Eddie Oi he’s the base player for The Fuck Me Pumps,” said Ivy mattarfactly her voice void of emotion.

“Where does Eddie and his band or friends hang out at. Where do they spend their time? Where do they go? What do they do all damn day?”

“I’m not his fucking biographer. This is the shit I know bout to answer your fucking questions. Eddie doesn’t have any fucking friends just goddamn dope dealers and drug buddies. As for him and his shitty band they spend a good amount of time at The Barfly Lounge down on the skids. He sees his main dealer at least 8 times a day scoring dope and all that drug shit.”

“Eddie got a record?”

“No and thats a fucking surprise and a half. He’s never even been arrested for drunk and disorderly nothing, not a single goddamn thing so that won’t help your search.”

Rock lazily moved the files on his desk around randomly just to look more than what he was a dinosaur and a goddamn drunk with a violent disposition. Rock shunned technology whenever possible unless it was absolutely necessary, but Rock decided to revisit the idea of getting a computer so he could fain interest while surfing the internet.

“Look just find the fucker and let me know so I can bitch slap his stupid ass back in fucking line,” demanded Ivy.

“Calm down I’m taking your case and I’ll find Eddie no matter where he is or where he may be hiding at I assure you of that,” Rock said in total confidence.

“Thank god for that then.”

“I’ll need a retainer of $1,200 plus daily expenses. Take it or leave it I’m not the one with the problem.”

“Call my fucking manager Harvey Schister. His number is 555-7683 and he’s a real son of a bitch but don’t take his shit because he’s full of shit.”

“Alright then I will call Mr. Schister this afternoon and get started immediately after I get my retainer.”

“Well I’m gonna piss off then, but I’ll be on top of you like a 600 pound prison booty bandit, I don’t take shit from anyone ever.”

With that Rock showed Ivy to the door locking it behind her. Rock didn’t want to be disturbed he had to process his meeting with his new client Ivy Savage. Where could he find the best leads he wondered as he lit a cigarette blowing the smoke out of his nose like a exhausted dragon.

This case is going to be a goddamn drunken drugged out insanely dark horror show Rock was convinced of that.

To Be Continued in The Deviant Detective Ep.3 : Finding The Cock Rock King.